Writer's Insomnia

I always felt a little scared to pick up a book about mental health. Especially one that claims to change my life in just 4 weeks, just like this one does. 

However, on the day I found this book, I just signed up for a city library. I was excited and motivated to read because I've never been to a good public library before. Of course, I have a university one, but it's mostly academic titles. And this one was huge, filled with books on topics I've always wanted to try but never really had a chance. 

So, when a saw a promising book with a nice, endearing cover, I decided to give it a go. 

Title: Anxiety free: 4 weeks to inner peace 

Author: Sam Owen 

Publisher: Onion Spring 

Pages: 274

The promises this book make are quite brave. From the beginning, Owen tries to convince the reader that she will change his life. She brings up stories of her clients and how just after one or two sessions with her, she could see a major improvement in their lives. And they could see it too.

Sorry to burst the bubble, but it doesn't work like that. 

This is why after the first few pages I wasn't so excited about it anymore. If this book was really going to help me change my life forever, why does it need to remind me about it every few sentences instead of actually helping?  

Even though my enthusiasm started to wear off, I decided to stick with it just a little while longer.

And boy, I'm happy I did. 

After the rocky start, it got better pretty quickly. I love the way it is written. I've never had any other psychology books in my hand before, the closest encounter I've had with this subject has been through my roommates who study counselling at uni. The language is simple, the experiments and data are presented in a familiar style. For a muggle like me, the worst thing that could have happened was reading a scientific book with words I've never seen before in my life.

The big question you are probably asking yourself is: Does this book really work? Did I get rid of my anxiety as quickly as she promised? 
The answer is not as simple as you might think.
Overall, I think this book improved my life and made taming my anxiety a bit easier on a daily basis. With simple exercises and a lot of different ideas and tricks, it was quite easy to find things that specifically work for me. It also inspired me to look deeper, focus on what feels right.
One of the most important things this book taught me is that anxiety is normal; everybody experiences it, just on different levels. Anxiety is there to help you and guide you. Even though there was a part of me that already knew this, Anxiety free actually helped me to understand it and most importantly - believe it.

I still struggle with anxiety, some days are better, some are worse. However, thanks to this book I'm actually more aware of what's going on. I'm learning and working on getting better.

Now, I don't think Anxiety free will magically cure you. Nor, is it a substitute for asking for help and going to therapy. But I do believe it is a step worth considering. Maybe you'll also find something there for yourself, something that will help you manage your anxiety a little better. 

I can honestly say this book inspired me to start reading about anxiety and mental health in general. I can't wait to go back to the library for more!

Rating: 4/5 

Have you ever read books about mental health, and specifically about anxiety? Let me know in the comments if you have any recommendations about what I should reach for next! 

I have to admit I'm pretty proud of myself and how my reading is going. If only I had as much motivation to write as I have to read would make my life so much better, haha! But I'm trying to push through this slump and get creating! 

That being said, let's talk about the books I finished this week which also helped break my record of 7 books read in a month. As of right now, I read 8 books! Whoop, whoop! 

My Heart And Other Black Holes by Jasmine Warga was the first book I finished while at work. As I mentioned in my previous reading update, it was promising at the beginning. The main protagonist is a teenage girl, lost in the big world, confident that she doesn't belong in it and she would do everyone a favour if she just killed herself. The description of her depression felt real, painful almost. However, as the story progressed, it started getting more and more predictable and cringy. At least I didn't have high hopes for it cause the ending sucked! (Rating: 2.5/5)

The second audiobook I listened to while at work was Every Heart A Doorway by Seanan McGuire and I have to admit it was painful. Thank God it was short. The plot was hard to follow at times and sometimes it would get so unexpected that it became a flaw. I honestly don't even know how to describe it right now. A school, some doors... I don't know. Probably the only good aspect of this book was the diversity of the characters. (Rating: 1.5/5)

Last but by no means least is Love & Gelato by Jenna Evans Welch. An amazing book to finish up the mediocre week. It was such a cute and captivating romance! I just couldn't stop listening to it. And now all I want to do is to go to Italy and get myself a big scoop of gelato and run around Florence on a scooter with a cute boy. (Rating: 4.5/5)

Currently reading:

I might have said that I will make this book a priority... I didn't but at least I read a big chunk of it: We'll Always Have Paris by Sue Watson (53% of the book read). I have a long journey back to uni ahead of me so I'll have a lot of time to hopefully finish it this week!

Outlander by Diana Gabaldon (29% of the book read). I'm coming back to it! I read some of it quite a while ago but left it without any good reason. So I'm picking it up! I really want to move forward with my ginormous tbr pile on my nightstand. 

Unfortunately, I start my exams on Friday so I won't be reading much after that. Good news - they only last a week and then my summer break starts; I will have all the time in the world to focus on my reading and writing!

When are your exams? Do you have any plans for the summer break? 

I have to admit I have seen Mamma Mia at least five times already. It's fun and heartwarming and so beautifully shot... Each song, each scene interosculate to create a great film that is always always there to lift you up. It is one of my go-to picks when I'm in need of something to smile at.

When I heard about the Mamma Mia sequel I was sceptical from the very beginning. Probably the only good film made after a few years is Bridget Jones's Baby (I even think I liked it better than the second one). The rest of them are cheaply made, basing on the feeling and memories of the fans of the previous parts. And after watching the sequel for Mamma Mia, it seems that I still stand by this opinion.

Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again SUCKED.

Warning: this text contains spoilers

(but honestly, if you haven't seen it, don't bother, so read on haha)

(also if you were ever interested in seeing this film you would have done it already, it's not a new release, so enjoy)

In my opinion, the biggest flaw of this film is its mood. As I said at the beginning, the first Mamma Mia is wonderfully sweet and optimistic. However, this one turns out to be just the opposite. It's really sad and too heavy for what it's supposed to be and what I have imagined. Most of the songs even the hits like Dancing Queen are not the perfect tune to jam to anymore. They are wistful, bringing back what the characters lost rather than the fun times they had. 

If you haven't heard anything about this film: Donna died.

And what truly bothers me is we even don't know what happened to her. Was it sickness, tragic accident? All her friends and even her mother (who was supposed to be dead but oh well, who cares, not the screenwriters) are alive so it's not of natural circumstances. The film is mainly about Donna's story, I think we (or if you don't care, at least I) deserve some closure.

I knew from the beginning Meryl Streep wasn't there to rock our worlds, but I still missed her throughout the film. When she appeared in the last scene, singing with Amanda Seyfried, it instantly became my favourite part. It was sad (I got to admit I was close to crying) and somewhat beautiful. Actual emotions finally appeared, ready to touch my heart. Now, thinking about it I'm asking myself: is this moment good enough to watch the boring, stupid two hours before it?

No.

So if you want to see what I'm talking about, watch it on YouTube. It makes it less painful, and not in a good way. 

If you know the plot of the first film and can more or less remember Donna's journal entries, after this film you will be left disappointed and slightly annoyed. Her diary doesn't make ANY sense anymore. It's all just wrong; the order she meets the guys, even the way she finds the freaking island. Whoever decided that a sequel was a good idea clearly does not know what continuity is.

And honestly, it's all just sloppy. Plot is too big of a word for this film. It didn't captivate me in any way and I was happy when it finally ended. 

Also, can we talk about young Harry?

Cause what the actual hell.

This was another great and successful reading week. This month I already finished 5 books and we're only halfway through the month. There is still so much time left so I'm positive I'll be able to beat my highest score of 7 books in a month! 

The first book I finished at the beginning of the week was Aurora Leigh by Elizabeth Better Browning. I decided to give it a go because it fitted perfectly in my reading tbr for the Magical Readathon (more about it here) as well as it was one of the set books for my English literature class at uni. And with exams approaching I decided not leaving it for the last minute was a smart choice. 

I did not enjoy it. It was borning and since I was listening to the audiobook my mind would quite often wander off in a different direction. The main character is annoying, the same goes for the so-called romance. But I got it over with, all that's left to do it pray I won't need it for my final essay. 

(Rating: 1.5/5)

The second book I finished was The 5th Wave by Rick Yancey, another book for my reading challenge. At first, I wanted to read just the physical book, but since I needed something to listen to while at work I decided to alternate between it and the audiobook. That is probably the only reason I managed to finish it. It was good, but not too captivating. I'm not the biggest fan of multiple narrators and in this one, I found them super confusing. I have to admit though, the world created by Rick is fascinating and the ending makes me want to reach for the next book in the series. 

(Rating: 4/5) 

The last book I read (or listened to, to be precise) is Defy me by Taharah Mafi. I totally forgot about it and when I saw it in the recommended tab on Scribd I screamed. The Shatter me series has to be one of my favourites, it's beautifully written, smart and filled with emotions. I loved how this book explained all the holes and questions and made me even closer to Juliette and Warner. I need the next book asap! (Rating: 5/5)

What I'm currently reading: 

We'll Always Have Paris by Sue Watson (28% of the book read). Haven't made that much progress with this one, but I'm finally starting to enjoy the characters and I'm interested to see what comes next. It's definitely my priority next week. 

My Heart and  Other Black Holes by Jasmine Warga (17% of the book read). Even though it's already captivating I don't have high hopes for it. Let's all pray it will be a pleasant surprise. I'm listening to the audiobook and since I'm working Monday and Tuesday I will most likely finish it soon.

I wasn't a big fan of audiobooks before but now they are such lifesavers. They make mundane chores exciting and work bearable. And if I keep up this pace I will hit my yearly reading goal on Goodreads faster than I ever anticipated. 

Do you like listening to audiobooks? What is the last one you have listened to? 

On Youtube, one of my favourite types of videos is reading vlogs. I could watch them for hours on end and when I'm done I'm left feeling utterly inspired to do my own reading (check out Hailey in Bookland and her videos; they are absolutely one of my favourites!). 

However, I've never seen this type of content in a blog post style (if you have any good recommendations make sure to comment them down below!) so I decided to give it a go! 

The first week of April was quite productive reading-wise. I decided to join #owlsreadathon2019 held by Book Roast. I heard about it last minute, but I just couldn't let a chance to participate in a Harry Potter themed reading challenge go past me. I'm studying to become a writer (shocking, I know) and to pass my exams I need to complete the prompts of three subjects. Just for my own pleasure and satisfaction, I will be taking four exams, even though it doesn't affect my grade final. 

My TBR for this reading marathon is: 

We'll Always Have Paris by Sue Watson as part of Muggle Studies (the prompt is contemporary) 

Aurora Leigh by Elizabeth Barrett Browning as part of History of Magic (the prompt is published at least 10 years ago)

P.S. I Still Love You by Jenny Han as part of Potions (the prompt is: next ingredient sequel)

The 5th Wave by Rick Yancey as part of Divination  (the prompt is set in the future)

I will try to update my reading progress in this readathon regularly on my Instagram page (@writers.insomnia).   

Now, moving forward to my reading updates for this week! 

The first book I finished reading is Summer in San Remo by Evonne Wareham. I borrowed this book from the library when I was in need of something, light, fluffy and maybe a little stupid. Both the title and the cover looked sunny and inviting so I grabbed it hoping it would get me out of my reading slump. 

It turned out to be everything I expected. The characters are not annoying, but I also didn't care for them in the slightest. The storyline is quite stupid and naive, maybe a little too much at times. But overall I liked it for its simplicity and cute romance. I am planning to write a review, but I don't know when; I have so many of them in mind! (Rating: 3/5)

The second book which I started and finished last week was P.S. I Still Love You and OMG. I listened to the audiobook and I absolutely freaking adored every second of it! So many laughs, heartbreaks, feels! It was everything I expected it to be; and even more. Even though I'm technically an adult I'm still a sucker for cute romances like this. Now I'm getting emotionally ready to start the last book in the series. My heart doesn't want to say goodbye to Lara and Peter just yet (I know the movie is coming out probably, hopefully, this year but still). Again, this is another strong contestant for a review, but I have to write To All The Boys I've Loved Before first. (Rating: 5/5)

I started reading another three books last week. 

We'll Always Have Paris (13% of the book read), a cute contemporary I chose for the reading marathon. As you can see I haven't read much of it but I can already say now I absolutely love the writing style of it! I am, however, having some trouble getting into it. 

Aurora Leigh (66% of the book read), killing two birds with one stone because it's both for my English class at uni and for the reading challenge. But I think I kinda hate it. It's so... not my type. Can't wait to just finish it and move on. 

The 5th Wave (8% of the book read), feels like everyone and their mother have already read this book ages ago. I've had a physical copy of it for a while now so I'm finally giving it a go. I'm reading it in Polish and I haven't done that in a while. It might sound strange but it brings me back to the old times when I would read this type of books in high school before making English my first choice when reading. Feels good. 

This week I want to focus on moving forward in all of those books and finishing at least one of them (spoiler alert: I did). I might also reach for Frankenstein (the 1818 version) by Mary Shelly and Always and Forever, Lara Jean. 

What books have you read this month so far? Are you participating in the Magical Readathon? Let me know in the comments down below!

Sometimes when you're browsing through the shelves to pick something new to read, you find a book you've never heard of before. You get it in your hands and you instantly know you need to give it a go. It might be the title, the cover, or just that gut feeling.

In this case, it was the last one.

Title: Room 

Author: Emma Donoghue

Publisher: Picador

Pages: 320

If you were to ask me what this book is about, my instant answer would be love. Love at its purest, the unconditional one, the one that makes you smile while there are tears streaming down your face. You can almost feel it through the pages, sometimes even taste it. 

Room talks about a boy, Jack, who lives locked in a small room with his mother. He's only five which shows through the way he describes the small world around him. Because the Room is his world. He talks about each object with respect and admiration, he even uses a capital letter to name them all.

His voice is so different, his perspective so pure and unique. 

I've never encountered anything like this before. 

The narration was so vivid it almost felt like I was there with him, trapped in his head, looking through his eyes, feeling with his heat. 

With each page, my mind was filled with questions and anticipation of what will happen next. The fact that I didn't really understand what is going on kept me reading on. I really needed to know. 

When things finally started falling into place, I was flooded with emotion. I had to close the book, put it down for a minute and think about everything that I just found out about.

You know it's good when you have to do that while reading a book. 

The only thing I didn't quite enjoy is the slow pace at the beginning and towards the end of the book. Even though I understood why it's written the way it is, I couldn't help but wish for something to finally happen. I didn't think that the story needed more of Jack's unawareness and innocence. During those times my mind would wander off a little bit and I had to force it to come back to the story. 

Other than that, the book was incredible. It showed me another perspective, another story and I feel like everybody should get to know it. I think there is a movie based on Room, but I'm quite anxious to see it. I loved that the book was written from Jack's perspective, there is a big chance the film didn't catch that the way it should. This point of view is a challenging one. Donoghue wrote it amazingly, but what if the movie doesn't do it justice?

Rating: 4.5/5 

Have you read Room? Or maybe you've seen the movie adaptation? Let me know all your thoughts in the comments down below! 

It always felt like the first post should be special and make a great introduction for the whole page.
That's why I've been thinking about what it should be about for a while now. Nothing suitable, however, came to my mind. 

Just post what you've already written, dummy. 

I would tell myself but it never felt right. This is how my overthinking and the fear of not doing something well enough really delayed this page going live.
And that's not only it. The fear of giving up on this blog has been constantly overflowing my head. I don't want to fail and disappoint myself because of yet another unfinished project. Because I knew that when it goes live, that's it. I'm officially in a long term relationship.  

My plan (or dream) is to post regularly and make it a page worthwhile staying on. I've been following some amazing blogs that never fail to inspire me. I know how a reader should feel when browsing through a website. 

This is why ever since the idea popped into my head, I wanted, no, needed, to execute it absolutely perfectly. I spent a lot of time adjusting the template, hours squinting my eyes to work out how HTML works. You have no idea how many times I wanted to punch the screen because something was not working the way I imagined it. But I managed to set it all up by myself and I have to admit, I'm quite proud of the final result. 

After that was done, my plan was to write as much as I can in advance before posting this blog. I know myself and my talent to procrastinate. If I had some backup texts ready, even without time or creative thoughts something was always to appear on this blog. I'm also proud to share, I have some prepared posts, but they never felt appropriate enough to become my official first entry. 

The funny thing is, I stopped working on the design of the website before March. 

It's now April and as I'm writing this I realised how much time I've wasted because of overthinking and the need to create something perfect. If I didn't promise myself to take on a different approach I would probably still only think about running a blog and not actually doing it.

This is why I want you to not make the same mistakes as me. 

Do something for yourself. Something you have always wanted to try or come back to but was too scared or too lazy to do. Stop the voices inside your head, the ones that find new excuses and point out all the flaws. If I had started posting on here immediately, I know I would have improved massively. Maybe I would have even created a writing routine or gained a friend or two.
You are in charge of shaping your reality and only you are there to stop you. So don't let that voice win, because time passes and you can't get it back. I wish I understood and believed it sooner. Cause I knew that it was always there at the back of my head but I never actually searched my soul.

I know that writing is my future. So, right here, right now, I'm promising to myself and to you, probably my first reader, to stop caring too much and overthinking. I love creating and that's all that counts. Everything else will fall into place. 

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